Why Marriage?
Nathanael's Story
That’s a great question…why marriage? A question I wish I had thought more about when I was younger, because you see, I never saw myself ever getting married.
By the age of 15, I had to come to grips knowing that I would probably never know or have a relationship with my biological father, my mother had just gotten divorced again, and I knew then that I never wanted to get married. I saw how marriage hurt my mother, myself, and my siblings and I vowed that marriage wasn’t for me.
As I look back I can see the rationale behind my logic: fear played a huge part. Fear that I would treat someone the way my mother was treated, I would ruin my family, I would turn out like my dad: a distant, uninvolved, deadbeat father. I like so many others know what a bad marriage is. The type of marriage they know they don’t want. Looking back I realize now how it’s almost impossible to prepare for what you do want when all of your time is focused on what you don’t want.
This was my attitude as a teenager. Getting in and out of relationships over and over again finally to the point where I had convinced myself that I was through with relationships and was fine with never getting married. Then, the unthinkable happened. I was now 24 years old and I was sitting in a coffee shop talking with a friend about my relationship woes and my deciding to give up on finding the “one”. I caught a glimpse of a girl out of the corner of my eye. She was beautiful. I told my friend, “Now, why can’t I meet someone like that?” It seemed like from that day forward and for the next six months every time I went into the coffee shop this girl always took my order, but we never talked other than just a casual greeting, order the food, and a goodbye.
Eventually my friend revealed the secret that this girl, Emily, was interested in me. We went to King’s Island on our first date. We had a blast that day. I have so many memories to this day, but there is one that tops them all. We were sitting back in the kid’s area eating ice cream and something on my insides out of nowhere thought, “I think I’m going to marry this girl.” Say what? “I think I’m going to marry this girl!” I didn’t know what to think. I was blown away, but I for sure wasn’t going to tell her. The night eventually ended with us making plans to go out again in a couple of days. By the way, this is where things start really getting good.
I was on my way to go see Emily for our second date. The plan was to play softball and I was going to stop by my mother’s house to tell her about this awesome girl I had just went out with, when all of a sudden my life was turned upside down. I woke up in the back of helicopter being asked to touch my fingertips. I had no clue what happened.
Come to find out I had a massive seizure, hit a tree going approximately 80 mph, and was being air lifted to the hospital where they didn’t know if I was going to live, die, or lose my legs. I briefly saw my mom before I went into surgery and the only thing I thought to say was, “There is this girl, her name is Emily, you’ve got to call her.” And I was able to remember her phone number.
When I woke up 3 or 4 days later, would you like to guess who was standing by my bedside? That’s right…Emily. The girl I had been out on one date with. She came to the hospital and stayed for hours and hours at a time. She came everyday. She became my best friend. I began to realize she loved me just the way I was. Whether or not I would ever walk again, she was going to be my side. I couldn’t impress her with flowers or gifts or nice dinners. I was confined to a wheelchair but I found that love wasn’t confined by circumstances. I was in love with her and she was in love with me.
Two years later we were married in a beautiful ceremony. Now, I would have the rest of my life to show Emily just how much I love her. What was so awesome was that she wasn’t just my wife, but she was my best friend.
I can’t imagine one day of not being married to Emily. We have our ups and downs like every couple, don’t get me wrong, but marriage has been the most fulfilling part of life I have experienced yet.
I know my story isn’t the norm, but it’s my story, and it’s the truth. So, why marriage? You tell me why not.
Nathanael Dunlavy has been a SAVE IT! presenter. He is still working with teens as a life skills teacher.